man, nothing surprising but i feel moody and angry as FUCK right now mixed in with some sadness and frustration.
i find myself sitting here with my pants around my thighs with my dick erected with my right hand with lotion that has been rubbed into my skin from jerking off and my left hand dry as fuck that hasn't touched anything besides my mousepad and keyboard.
why am i mad? my mind has been real terrible to me. i think too much. i'm also sensitive too so boom, any little thing i could take the wrong way and get easily bothered to the point where i'm upset. sitting here in my room, i have a lot of time to think and being that as of recent, i've given myself to sit down, think shit out and wonder about myself. i find myself getting angry, upset. i used to hate watching the tv but web surfing just pisses me off as well. today, i've been browsing web forums and reading some things have been stirring me the wrong way so i prefer to keep my mouth shut and say shit on here.
now you know, reading some things were really getting me a bit angry to the point where i felt like killing somebody or beating someone up. like damn, i was and somewhat am still that angry. it was like FUCK!!!!! i know violence is wrong as well as being negative BUT guess what... that's all that happens, man. that's how i react, fam. that's how i fucking react and that's how i deal with shit. i don't know how other people deal with things BUT i doubt a motherfucker would be doing any better if they were me. a lot of fuckers talk about how easy shit is and the whole nine BUT you're not me, you can never be me and you're looking from the outside in. so all you other marks that are reading this shit ready to go talk shit and criticize and tell me what i should do. save your words and go fuck yourself. i don't want to hear it. in fact, i'm taking away the comments opinion for you.
and yo.... i read shit, i look at my life, i look other people's lives (i don't give a fuck about what anybody says about comparing or whatever. i don't give a fuck. i'm doing it.) and i get angry as fuck. like FUCK THIS SHIT! i dayum sure don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, i'm tired of trying to fucking figure myself out, so tired that i'm just getting mad thinking about that shit to the point where i feel like hurting someone as a way of medicating myself. shit is twisted BUT dayum, i have no other options. you know, NONE. i'm NOT going to the therapist or any shrinks for them to tell me the same goddamn BULLSHIT. i'm not going to bother hearing people's advice since i can't seem to get the point across to them well enough for them to really understand me and i need some alone time from everybody. my family, my homies, people in general. i don't feel like pretending that everything is okay. i don't feel like talking, running around asking people for help and that shit falling on deaf ears. fuck the whole world. i'm all by my fucking self. fuckers will never understand so why even reach out to them. i'll just pretend around motherfuckers like everything's alright because when i keep it trill with them, they wonder what the fuck is wrong with me and the whole nine. yeah, i have a problem and i don't know how to fucking deal with it.
