okay now my fruitcake of a father wants to jump on my dick. FUCK OFF, BITCH!

i'm getting depressed right now. my dad's bitch ass ready to all start an argument. motherfucker always asking.. "what time you came home?", "are you going anywhere today?", motherfucker sounding like some prison guard and shit. you ain't no fucking cop so back the fuck off, b. i'm 19, a man. motherfucker is funny how he doesn't want anybody to grow so he tries to baby me and shit. hell no..



man, i'm down right now. depressed and shit. maybe it's because i'm tired but i feel fucking depressed. you know.... i lost my job, i bitch, i whine, i'm bitter, i got no girlfriends, motherfuckers try to figure me out but make shit worse because they don't know what it really like and shit. i rather do this shit by myself. it's not good having people around you all the time trying to figure you out. man..... people cause me more pain than good knowwhati'msaying. i'm more misunderstood and what's worst is these guys think like.... yo, you going through this not even knowing what the fuck i'm talking about. it's like i'll talk about something i'm going through some shit and these people say some shit and they run with it. i try to tell em it ain't like that but they so fucking stubborn and too full of shit to hear what i'm saying so i'm like FUCK EM! for real.... only person that understands me is me. it's always been like that. sure i'll have somebody that'll relate to me but i never really felt like i'm being understood.

shit sucks... that's why i write in my journals and talk to myself and shit. i rather listen to myself and have me understand my pain and me rather than talk to my mom and then her come up with her bullshit ass theory about what my problem is. the fact that i've been misunderstood so many times has me scared to go to a psychologist or seek help because i might be misunderstood and there's a lot of ignorant motherfuckers that HATE to be corrected or told.... "no, it's not like that..." a lot of people see me as a weirdo or whatever because they don't under why i do the shit i do and why i am the way i am, how i became a certain way and pretty much why i think like i am. shit is hopeless. that's why i really don't bother trying to take peoples advice because the habits and behaviors and mindframe i got took YEARS to get like that. i tried to change and shit but when shit don't get better and when you have assholes around you that put you down no matter what you do whether it be being nice or mean or cool. IT'S POINTLESS! POINTLESS! it's like... why change when you know shit ain't gonna change? eventually i stopped giving a fuck!!!!

you know what..... i really tried. at least tried to keep on a straight head for a long time but now.. fuck it! i'm tired. i've had it. shit.... a motherfucker having thoughts of offing himself and shit BECAUSE i'm tired! TIRED! TIRED OF THIS SHIT! TIRED OF SEEING THE SAME SHIT AROUND ME! man... it's almost like there's no reason for living when tomorrow's gonna be the same shit. being misunderstood more, being hated more, feeling depressed, might feel happy but you know that you want something different in life. you don't want to be in college everyday, falling asleep in class, complaining, looking for jobs, being shy around chicks, have motherfuckers trying to get at you and you constantly talking about beating them down but you're too skinny to and they see you as weak. you end up going home having thoughts of running up on them and shooting them the fuck up and shit and about going to upstate new york or somewhere far away and shit in life is okay.


man....... these guys around here either making fun of me, going like "wtf is wrong with him?", not taking this seriously, or pretty much avoiding this shit. man.... i'm good. i just don't want motherfuckers asking questions or going like "damn.... it was that bad. i could have done something." if i decide to end this shit or whatever.